Timeline v1.1

2014
Don Cortese is paroled. Tony escapes from prison, killing three guards. [LCN #1]

A ScudCo vending machine is delivered to a small Western town and stocked with Scud Assassins: Known Aim Series. In the next thirty years, the machine is used a number of times. One of these jobs is the murder of the the Sweathogs, a local biker gang. One Scud in the machine goes unused for the entire period of time, falling in love with a local woman. [TftVM #2]
Captions state the Scud waited 30 years.

2015
Tony Tastey permanently changes his name and his face, and Don Cortese places Tony as his second in command. [LCN #1]

The government rounds up all artists, poets, musicians, and free-thinkers and forces them to relocate to a special camp known as the Haring Sector. One of the artists is an older Jim Mahfood. [TftVM #4]
Captions give the date as 10 years previous.

2016 - 2020
Scud #20 (Black Octopus) - Samantha Gritt sneaks into the Chicago Museum, and steals a large diamond known as "God's Tear." She kills another thief named Tumor. It is her birthday, but her mother is in Neo Dells with Tony and her father is shooting a movie in China.
Sometime after Tony joins the Cortese family in Neo Dells.

Eric, a boy in Samantha's social studies class, steals a photograph of Samantha and her father at one of her earlier birthdays. He demands the diamond in exchange for the picture. Samantha makes plans with him for a trade. [D&O #1]

D&O #1 (Black Octopus) - Samantha kills Eric's henchmen, blows up his car, and takes the photograph back.

TftVM #3 - Three demon children get ahold of a Bible and conjure up an angel. The angel hires a Scud: Heartless Series 666 to help the angel escape from Hell. The Scud is assigned to kill the CEO himself, and the angel is killed by lawyers. The CEO cannot be killed because he is already dead, so the Scud self destructs. The Scud goes to Hell, but is saved by Jesus.
Sometime before Fabal, Mith, and Lye took control.

Percy Seasons loses her unborn son, Steven. She makes a deal with Satan for her son's life. She has to design a collector for Armageddon, scheduled to begin in two weeks. The collector's job is to gather up all the "stuff" people have created. [Drywall: Unzipped]

Percy creates her first collector, Mess. Mess possesses one half of her unborn son's soul. Mess is rejected. [Drywall: Unzipped]

Two Weeks Later
Drywall: Unzipped - Percy creates her second collector, Drywall. Drywall possesses the other half of her son's soul. He is rejected by Satan, who helps create the third prototype, System. System malfunctions, and places Satan, Mess, and Percy in storage. Drywall escapes. System begins his organization of reality.

Monday
Scheduled date of Armageddon. [Drywall: Unzipped]

Fabal, Mith, and Lye wrest control of Heaven from God. They then begin their efforts to initiate the Apocalypse. [Scud #20]
Satan never showed up to start the apocalypse, due to the events in Drywall: Unzipped.

The Present
June
Scud #1 - Hershel Roundhead is assigned by Mr. Spidergod to eliminate Jeff. He dispatches a Scud, Heartbreaker Series 1373, to kill Jeff. In the midst of battle, Scud destroys the three other eggs of the Horsemen before they hatch. He also discovers the warning label on his back ("This unit will self destruct upon termination of target"), so he blows off Jeff's limbs and calls an ambulance. Jeff is placed on life support for the price of three franks per month.

Seven Weeks Later (July)
Scud #2,3 - Scud is hired by Tony Tastey to kill Barry Polipooey, a terrorist and leader of the Grittites. Scud sneaks into Mark Goodson Prison, and kills Barry with the third bullet. While escaping from the guards, Scud causes Lieutenant Schwartz to lose his left arm, and Scud is shot in the hand by Captain Jack Jones, frying Scud's contempt unit. Scud goes insane. He escapes in a semi and meets up with the Grittites, who hire him to help with the breakout of their leader, Polipooey. The next day, they travel to the prison in an airship. The Grittites discover what Scud did, and as he escapes, he causes the ship to crash into the prison, destroying everything. There are three survivors.
It was almost two months afterwards, since Scud needed the life support money. In issue 7, Captain Jack Jones recounts the events as happening five months before.

Chuck Brown, leader of the Grittites, is taken prisoner at Fort Kilmer in Neo Dells. [LCN #1]

One Month Later (August)
ScudCo decides to discontinue the Heartbreaker line of Scuds. [Scud #4]

Scud #4 - Voodoo Ben declares war on the Cortese family. He sends a legion of zombie dinosaurs, led by a T-Rex, to kill them. The dinosaurs storm Cortese Tower, and murder the majority of the family. Scud pushes the T-Rex out a window, where it lands on a truck. Scud and four of the remaining Corteses (Doghouse, Forehead, Merendino, and Tony Tastey) activate five big Japanese robots, which merge to form a giant robot known as the "Ladykiller". They kill all the remaining dinosaurs, and save Joey Cortese.

The T-Rex is captured by ScudCo and taken to a nearby ScudCo plant. [TftVM #1]

The Corteses go on vacation in Sandwichland, Hawaii. [Scud #5]

Tony Tastey opens up Tastey Cement in Honolulu. [LCN #2,7]
Tony says the takeover took six months.

One Week Later (September)
Tales from the Vending Machine #1 - Mr. Bigs, a designer at ScudCo, is fired by his manager, Fromgen. Bigs swears revenge and designs the Scud: $ Series 33177, capable of eliminating mulitple targets. He programs it to kill all Scuds in existence, as well as Fromgen.
ScudCo employee says the T-Rex was brought in the week before.

Friday
TftVM #1 - Scud: $ Series is activated. He kills all the Scuds at the plant, the T-Rex, Fromgen, and himself. The plant is destroyed with a bomb. Bigs is killed by a sniper Scud hired by Fromgen.
Kid bitches about weekend homework.

December
ScudCo introduces the new Sol series. [Scud #2,5]
Release date mentioned on TV.

TftVM #5 - Two children have an argument over which Scud is better, Heartbreaker or the new Sol series. They hire a Sol and order it to kill itself. Its initial attempts are failures and result in the death of the two children. The Sol hires a Heartbreaker who realizes that upon termination of its target, it will be terminated as well. The Heartbreaker tries to stop the Sol from completing its mission, but the Sol goes up in a rocket that explodes, destroying both Scuds.

December 24
Scud gets fixed up at Vinnie's garage in Neo Dells. [Scud #5]

December 25 (Christmas/Hanukkah)
Scud #5 - Scud sends a postcard to the Corteses in Hawaii. He is attacked by Voodoo Ben, and the two battle it out in a department store. Ben hires a Scud Sol to kill Scud 1373. In the battle, Scud receives a large hole in his belly, and loses an arm. Scud uses change from the cash register to hire his own Sols, and they kill Voodoo Ben. Meanwhile, Jeff escapes from the hospital, and goes after Scud.
The store is closed for Hanukkah.

Voodoo Ben ends up in Hell, where he meets System. System recruits Ben to help facilitate the Apocalypse, and Ben is sent back to Earth. [Scud #14]

Scud goes back to Vinnie's garage for repairs. [Scud #6]

December 26-30
Scud #6 - Scud recieves a temporary replacement human arm from Vinnie. He gets an agent at ComKilServ, who assigns him to kill six drug dealers in Bobsled, Texas. Scud kills one of them, a dog-headed man named Pavlov. The agent sends Drywall to Bobsled to help Scud. Scud discovers his loner arm belonged to a werewolf. Captain Jack Jones and Lieutenant Schwartz show up at the Cortese compound in Hawaii.

Scud #7 - Drywall arrives at the warehouse where Scud is staying, followed soon after by the remaining five dealers. Scud and Drywall defeat four of them, while their leader, Nathan Twist escapes. Jeff arrives in Bobsled.

Scud #8,9 - Tony Tastey is captured by Captain Jones. Nathan Twist is killed by Jeff. Scud and Jeff fight, and Scud disappears inside Drywall. Jeff follows Scud into Drywall. Drywall is attacked by the residents of the town. Jeff and Scud continue to fight, and Scud escapes, leaving Jeff inside Drywall.

Tony is taken to Fort Kilmer, Neo Dells, Wisconsin. [LCN #1]

Tuesday (Dec 31)
La Cosa Nostroid #1 - Doghouse kills Don Kalakanawani. Tony is interrogated by Captain Jack Jones and Mr. Spidergod. He is rescued by the other Corteses. In the fight, Lieutenant Schwartz loses his right arm.
Date given as 2024.

2025
Windows 25 is released in stores. [LCN #9]
Operating system used by the spammer.

Wednesday (Jan 1)
Scud's new arm arrives at Vinnie's garage. They send it to the British Space Force in Houston, Texas. [Scud #6,10]
Vinnie said it would arrive Wednesday.

Thursday (Jan 2)
Scud #10 - Scud and Drywall leave Bobsled with the mayor. They head to Houston to retrieve Scud's real arm. Scud sneaks onto the British Space Station Asgard. One of the astronauts is killed by a fellow astronaut, Edward Lupine, using Scud's arm. Sussudio (aka Samantha Gritt) is hired to eliminate Scud.

Scud #11 - Venus celebrates it's two billion, nine hundred and twenty seven million, three hundred and sixty seven thousand, four hundred and second birthday. Edward Lupine comes into contact with the surface of the moon, de-evolves into Chaos, and destroys Venus. The astronauts use Scud's arm to pull Edward out of the vortex, and Scud reclaims his arm.

Sussudio enters the Mr. Toughguy competition disguised as a bounty hunter named Force Majeur. [Scud #12]

Friday (Jan 3)
The Mr. Toughguy Competition begins. [Scud #12]
Sunday was the third day of competition.

LCN #2,3 - Tony is betrayed by an associate, Huge Lucci. His mother is nearly killed, and Merendino is shot. Merendino kills the younger daughter of Don Kalakanawani. Joe flys a shipment to Newcoast, California, and meets Alice, taking her back to Hawaii with him. The Corteses are attacked by the Niao-Ji Tong, who have a giant robot similar to the Ladykiller. They defeat the other robot, and get medical treatment for Merendino. Tony has a party for the governor, and kills Huge Lucci.

Saturday (Jan 4)
LCN #4 - Joe and Alice are attacked by the Niao-Ji in California, and barely make it back to Hawaii. Alice is hurt, and Joey takes her to the family's secret lab. The Niao-Ji trash Tony's house, and kill his girlfriend, Kelly. Fax, Merendino, and Doghouse take out the Kalakanawanis. Tony kills Joe.
The Kalakanawani funeral would be a few days after the death of the Don in LCN 1. Funerals are not held on Sundays.

LCN #5 - The Niao-Ji attack again, and are defeated by the Corteses, who capture the other robot. One of the Chinese is also captured, and interrogated by Doghouse and Merendino. Alice wakes up with no memory, and Tony teaches her how to fly Joe's robot. Forehead discovers an AI program hidden inside the two macrobots.

In the Mr. Toughguy competition, ScudCo's Sol Model is terminated by Superior Alien Military's Patriot in a round of jack-hammer fencing. [Scud #12]
The race was the first event on Sunday, so the Scud was terminated the previous day.

Sunday/Monday (Jan 5-6)
Scud #12,13,14 - Scud arrives back on Earth in the middle of the Mr. Toughguy Competition, and is drafted by ScudCo to compete. Scud meets Oswald, and gives Oswald his wrist communicator. Scud defeats the S.A.M. Patriot robot assassin, but in turn is defeated by Force Majeur, who is really Sussudio in disguise. She kidnaps Scud and takes him to the Prangles department store in Northbrook Mall, where the two are attacked by Voodoo Ben's zombies. Scud is taken to Voodoo Ben, who summons up System, the current ruler of Hell. Drywall and Oswald show up to save Scud, and Voodoo Ben pulls Jeff out of Drywall.

Scud #15 - Captain Jack Jones and his men show up looking for Scud and Jeff, taking Sussudio prisoner. Scud and Jeff fight a pitched air battle, in which Jones is killed. Sussudio escapes, and causes Jeff to be mortally wounded. Scud asks Sussudio on a date.

Time freezes, and Scud and Sussudio are met by a mysterious Horse, who takes them to various points in time and space. Horse was sent by the current rulers of Heaven to keep Scud busy while they attended to other matters. [Scud #16,20]

One Month Later (February)
Drywall and Oswald #1 - Drywall and Oswald are on a sailing ship, working as bounty hunters. They capture the Cyber Puma. The pair is assigned by Archangel Montel to protect the Pope from Stealth Druids. Drywall is knocked overboard and washes ashore on the Island of the Thunder Bitches.
No time in between issues 12 and 13, exact date is conjectural.

A Few Days Later
D&O #2 - Oswald washes ashore on the island of the Thunder Bitches. A mass wedding is planned between Drywall and the tribe and women. They turn out to be a tribe of Cyber Pumas, and Oswald saves Drywall. The pair is saved by the Spider Pirates.

TftVM #4 - DJ Mindtrip (aka Zach), leader of a revolution in an unnamed city, is kidnapped by aliens called Moglaphytes from the planet Lantis. They want him to crack a computer code that would give them the ultimate weapon to destroy the universe. His girlfriend, Natalie, hires a Scud: Retriever Series 23 to rescue him. The pair travels to Lantis, kill the Mogaphytes, and rescue Zach. Natalie and Zach escape while the Scud self-destructs.

Tony and Alice are married. [LCN #6]
Before the reception.

Scud #18/LCN #6 - Tony meets with President Feinburg, and uses the AI to make a campaign contribution. Scud and Sussudio arrive on Horse. Scud and Tony end their friendship. The wedding reception is attacked by a horde of Joe clones, and Scud and the Corteses kill them.

Alice and Merendino begin to have an affair. [LCN #7,9]
Alice makes a joke about it in LCN 7, the matter is later confirmed.

LCN #7 - Tony kills the leader of the Niao-Ji Tong. Double A Ken is augmented. Forehead takes Alice shopping, and she kills him. She saves his Ersatz head chip.

August 15
Tony is gunned down while receiving the key to the city from the mayor of New York. The public believes he is paralyzed. The shooting was staged by Tony, but is blamed on Don Martin Martini Crevacco. [LCN #8]
Date mentioned in dialogue.

Tony creates a NYPD task force known as "Black Shields." They tear the New York crime families apart, killing the henchmen and kidnapping the gang leaders. [LCN #8]